Here’s my totally irreverent, irrelevant, and worst ever annual “Books of the Year” list for 2023!

This is a terrible list of books. I mean, most of them aren’t even books. Why did I make this? I could’ve been playing Final Fantasy XVI, or hanging up the laundry, or literally anything else.

But instead I am pleased to present to you my totally irreverent, irrelevant, list of awards to mark the end of the grand old year of two-thousand-and-twenty-three.

And of course, it’s in a top-ten format.

First Place

Hegira: Contravention

by Drew Wagar

Why is this here? It’s a book. It’s a great book. In fact, it’s my favourite book I read this year and I think it deserves to be on every list possible, even if it’s not entirely appropriate. So, it wins the First Place award.

Please read it, I beg of you!

Tenth Place

Armored Core VI

by FromSoftware

Hold on a second… This isn’t even a book. Oh well, it’s my favourite game I played this year because who doesn’t love GIANT ROBOTS blowing things up with big guns and laser swords?

The story is total nonsense, and the prose is nonexistent because it’s supposedly a videogame.

But I ask you, if not book, why book shaped?

Seventh Place

NASA Perseverance Rover

by LEGO

This was, in all honesty, a terrible book. It doesn’t even have any pages. The instruction manual does, however. It had great world-building and the prose was easy to follow, despite being presented in the form of pictographs.

Eighteenth Place

The Master of the World

by Jules Verne

Because fuck Jules Verne for this book.

The Master of the World wins the award for being the only thing on this list that is legitimately bad.

Twoth Place

IR-2 Amp & Cabinet

by Boss Pedals

Coming in right at the end of the year with some severe stock issues, is this utterly incredible guitar pedal. I can’t overstate how many amazing features Boss managed to shove into this compact a unit, at a price point less than half that of the competition.

But it didn’t come with a printed manual—only a piece of paper with a QR code to download a PDF version, so… 0/10.

Know Your Place

The Augment Saga

by Alan K. Dell

My books haven’t been pulling their weight this year. Damn freeloaders. They’ve had the audacity to sit there taking up space and time and money, and didn’t even have the decency to bring in enough to cover this website.

For shame.

Ninety-Three Millionth Place

The Sun

by That One Author on Twitter, Apparently

Why, oh why can’t we copyright you?

This wins the award for the most contentious astronomical object in the writing community.

I’ve Lost Count Place

People Who Make ‘Worst Books of the Year’ Lists

by What The Fuck Are You Doing?

Seriously, why are you so negative? Just stop it. There’s no need to be so mean, and I see it every single year. Shout out your favourites instead.

Fourth Place

This Tree In Particular

by Treebeard, Probably

This tree has been making our lives a misery at work with its constant slow drip of leaves during the autumn and winter. Piles and piles of them all over the place.

Be better next year, Tree.

AAUUGGHHHH! Place

Number 5 Archery Spider

by Bowmen of Ardleigh

With profuse apologies to Adrian Tchaikovsky, this shot was too good to pass up at my archery club’s Halloween fun shoot this year.

Nailed it.

And there you have it! My worst ever “books of the year” list.

Will this be a yearly thing? Maybe, maybe not. But it’s all a bit of fun. I was inspired to make the list mainly because I keep on seeing these really mean “worst books of the year” lists and it’s annoying. So I thought I’d poke fun at them.